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Episode 282: Even killing machines want to play!

December 19th, 2014, 10:00 am

Average Rating: 5.00
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Author's Comments:

Reply zignoff, September 7th, 2014, 12:05 pm

Ah Airplane, How I love thee! And now a review on Super Smash Bros 3DS!

Well along with that I'm also going to review the Wii U version also.

So my previous comment on monday was that is this going to be good as brawl? Well unlike everyone with blinders on in the professional reviewing world, I will say this personally this has about as much chance of being as remotely good as brawl as getting a non-photoshopped picture of a giant sphagetti space monster giving jesus and satan a blow job at the same time while in the grand canyon.

Well if that didn't give away my thoughts on the new Super Smash Brothers I don't know what will. You see the Smash may have been started as a bland generic fighting game, that only had a few unique idea's, but in terms of being a fighting game there were always MUCH BETTER ones around with alot more content.

But with each new game they built on the idea's of the previous ones and made the game have more content and gameplay, sadly whatever happened to the previous team didn't bother to tell the new team that removing and trying to be a generic fighter was not something we wanted it to go back to, we just wanted the combat mechanics fixed. Well most people personally I couldn't give two flying fucks cause I never believed Smash Bros. was ever a competitive fighter, nor should it ever try to be.

Because if again we wanted a fighting game there are much better ones out there to get. The major issue with fighting games is the balancing issue same thing with all moronic pvp competitive games, and that requires tons of readjustments and patches which eats up development time to make the game more then just quarter eating waste of time.

So let's get started with the review as this rant has gone on to long already.

Story 0/10: Opps no story mode this time just a crappy arcade mode with no context or reason other then because it's a fighting game, and because some people spoiled the very few cutscenes of brawl (which were cool, but seeing them early didn't take anything away) the creator got a big stinky bunchy mess in his undies and said nope. So instead of you know doing it a better way, then they just removed it altogether one of this really annoying ass backwards of game development I hate more then anything.

Sound/Music 7/10: While the sounds and the voices are well done (However I am pissed they changed Sonic's You're to slow taunt to a god awful generic SONIC SPEED voice clip), Most do feel copy pasted alittle to much, and while what music is good for both them, there isn't alot of good ones for variety. As each system gets there own unique music also.

Controls ?/10: You see another problem with this one is the game while the Wii U gives a variety of options for controls, they are still plague'd with the issue the 3DS has, and that would be the god awful analog pad. See most people seem to think that due to the arcades having a joystick style controller when the games were first introduced. But back then they HAD to use the joystick cause a pad like control was not possible due to the arcade machine itself.

You see, many have agreed that the analog control is crap and that a pad type design is far more accurate and I can attest to that in this game, trying to pull of precision movements and attacks fail constantly due to the analog control not understanding the difference between up or left/right. Often causing you to use a different special then what you would want causing the fighting aspects to become a chore as the Computer doesn't have that issue.

You can change a majority of the button functions... sadly you can not change which moves the character and what controls the taunts. Which is the analog and the pad.

Graphics 7/10: Overall the game is beautiful, characters and stages are clean, colorful and well detailed, even the 3ds version with it's more cel-shaded design looks good also. However the reason for the lower score is that fact all these graphics and designs blend a little TOO well together, all the flashes and characters become a clustered mess when the punch ups get going, worse on the 3ds and it's smaller screen. It's damn near impossible during the Wii U's 8 man fights.

Gameplay and Content 3/10: One of the bigger complaints of the brawl game was it's floating controls and combat, and most people seem to say this is in between that of melee and brawl, now I remember melee well enough, and one thing I don't remember is piloting a bunch of 20 ton lead anvils, because the characters in this game handle clunky as hell and heavy as lead weights, making combat a chore and most other mechanics just down right bad. The game feels heavy, and again when we have plenty of other fighting games out there the last thing we need is to feel just like them.

So the game has very few modes now that a full adventure story mode has been removed, and now only has a very brief arcade mode which last maybe 5 minutes a full round. Some versus modes, and a few little side activities, Sandbag, target smash and multi man beat down. Now one can adjust the difficulty of to a ass backwards insane level which affects rewards in the arcade mode, but not as much in the others. Both version have their own unique modes, and each comes with their own up's and downs.

For 3ds we have the smash run, a 5 minute timed event mode which rubs up against the epic monster godzilla penis of awesomeness that was the Sub Space Emissary mode of Brawl, but all it comes back with is a dried flake of leftover cum and is a tiny timed world where one fights random NPC's from various games and does event's and collects power ups and treasures, the power up's don't keep and are only used for this one round. The treasures are used to get extremely useless money, or for new moves for characters as one of the new system's is custom movesets, atleast to an extent.

This mode is the only fun mode that has any replay value as a whole or longevity, but due to it's unprogressive nature, and sometimes unforgiving nature also, it quickly wears thin, not helped by the fact the range of random drops, you see it has that dungeon crawler issue of having drops be random, and while this creates replay value, it's also a problem when you could do this event 100 times and still not get the one move you are missing for your favorite character.

Next is the Wii U version which doesn't have Smash run, but this GOD AWFUL Mario Party board game, but remove any pleasent idea's of a mario party game in here as this pile of festering snail snot is probably one of the most lazy and god awful game modes ever seen.

What happened is you choose a board size then number of turns, you then choose a Mii from the ones you created on your system, and start rolling the dice, the pisser? You are not allowed to choose who you play, the game gives you a random number of characters sometimes only getting 1 while the npc players get 3. Now even with a LARGE board it's not even 1/4th the size of the smallest Mario Party game board. Along with this as you move you pick up the power up's similar to that of the smash run, after each turn you sometimes enter a event against everyone, this range but are mainly versus matches, as the game didn't already have enough of that.

Along this way if you get beaten, and die you permanently loose your character given and whoever winds get them. So as you play and if you run out of characters you don't get a game over you just can't take part in anything unless you get another randomly dropped character on the game board, something that everyone will be marching towards as quick as possible.

Along with random events that will screw you over as they seem completely focused on you, the game will feel much longer then it should, and in just a short hour long 20 turn event me and my friend were praying for the torture to end by round 12. NOT a good sign. After all that at the end you are presented with one final punch up, but here is the kicker, your live system is based on the number of characters you collected, so if you had a run of bad luck due to having characters you didn't know how to use, and the npc's took them all then you might end up with one character against an AI with 10.

The modes are are terrible and a hollow failing to what Brawl had with it's SSE mode which me and friends put well over 500 + hours into, only 25 of that was with it's arcade modes and other events.

You see Brawl brought with it a unique showing of how fighters could evolve into being something more then an over priced versus wankathon, games like Soul Caliber and Street Fighter did this also with Soul Caliber 3's adventure mode and SF alpha 3's campaign mode. Everything after those games has felt like major step backs in both content and gameplay, for something people could give two bootyhole plundering shit about.

Every positive step Brawl brought has been lost to becoming another empty overpriced fighter that nobody will be playing in a month or 2 except for a couple of devoted people because the game has no content other then a boring pvp appeal.

Overall score 4/10: Buy, Rent or excuse? Excuse the Wii version unless you really want to do nothing but versus combat, which is mess due to lag and connection issues from my understanding, Rent if you have to try it first, and if you have to buy, get the 3ds Version, the content will atleast last you alittle longer.

Other then that a bunch of steps back on a game that had alot of heart and unique mechanics that focused on solid gameplay, content and replay value, and even the new characters like Little Mac, megaman and Pac man, can't help, even more so when you have a bunch more generic copies of more god awful fire emblem characters.

"Megaman/Rockman is a Registered Trademark of Capcom, all rights are reserved to them for using their characters likeness."

User's Comments:

Reply qazox, December 19th, 2014, 10:47 pm

If they'd only keep the story mode, while adding the new characters; and stop the stupid control scheme that barely gets it right....

Nintendo needs to do a MK vs DC type of fighter, or at least CAPCOM vs Marvel, as I think that'd be closer to what everyone would be happier with.

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