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Episode 186: Beans has turned on goonba?!

January 17th, 2014, 11:00 am

Average Rating: 5.00
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Author's Comments:

Reply zignoff, October 29th, 2013, 5:27 pm

The Last of Us Review So here it is my Last of Us review, and by now you know this will probbly not end well.

So... How do I begin, well first I guess I should say this, How does "THIS" deserve 50 PERFECT scores? It honestly boggles the mind, I have hardly ever played a game as average as this in all aspects, yet so many praising it for it, while other much better games get ignored...


Sigh,... I have tried to be open minded to this game, but I afraid I just don't see anything special here, nothing worth 50 perfects scores, Hell I haven't even seen a game worthy of ONE perfect score. Allow me to explained this in my review up ahead why I think this.


Sound and Music 4/10: Honestly Let's get this out of the way I know this might seem like an odd one to start out with here, but I think it's best to get the more unnoticable things out of the way, if this was music alone I'd give it a 0, honestly I don't remember ANYTHING of this music, I don't even remember the game even HAVING music 90% of the time honestly. So in terms of having any emotional weight with the music I honestly don't remember anything from this games Soundtrack in the slightest, so that is out of the way.

Next for this is sounds and voices, which is probbly the only thing this actually I can really remember, water splashes and wind blows, explosions and guns sound crisp and clean, voices the same, as for the voice acting voices match the characters and the overall acting is decent, but again nothing to write home about. Better then most dubbed animes, but nothing more then that.


Graphics 7/10: Overall the graphics are decent, again nothing to write home about, mainly cause again they are based on more photo realistic graphics and these types of graphics get outdated within a year or so as the games like this just amazing at the time, they quickly become meh. Also while trying to be dirty and grimy they also look incredibly clean which is yet another problem. Same thing with the problem with creating atmosphere in a survival horror game when the graphics are to clean it loses it's impact. So yea graphically nice, but again nothing special, seen other games with better, cleaner, and more unique graphics.


Gameplay 4/10: This is a review over the single player as a whole as Yahtzee on Zero Punctuation would say a game needs to be judge on it's single player only, as multiplayer can eventually run out, some times VERY quickly. Anyway let's start with the one of the 3 portions of the game the spectacle platforming, and what I mean by that is these sections are more or less to showcase at times graphical events or scripted QTE, which are mainly like the puzzle platforming, which in the Uncharted sense of puzzles, as not puzzles at all, move a ladder to a point, or move some crate or something like that, works well, but does nothing new or interesting, becomes boring quickly and is used to much.

The next is the shooting and cover based mechanics, which are used for most of the human based gun fights and times the infected enemies. Which again works well, but also AGAIN is like any other over the shoulder, cover based shooter that has been done a hundred other times. So surprise surprise, nothing special here, you can collect scrap parts to upgrade guns, but the upgrades are overly expensive for no reason, and most of the upgrades are moronic in nature, as one is steadying your aim or making your aim better which I find moronic and a waste of leveling when you know the aiming could be based on ones OWN skill and not RPG mechanics.

The RPG mechanics that focuses on clip size and damage make sense, the major thing is that the guns should have had leveling mechanics that made things useful, laser sight, Special or Modded Bullets, extra things like something that would make the guns unique and useful. Something to make the combat fun, something more then just boring average tired and worn game play it is. Well moving off from that I guess I should also mention the Enemy AI, Aaaaaaah *Ackward silence...* ....... Ok whelp now that I mention it moving on!

Lastly the portion of the game and it's final mechanic is the stealth mechanics used for the "survival horror" sections, and I use the term for BOTH VERY loosely. The stealth mechanics work based off the lovable chest high wall mostly cover mechanic, which in most terms is used on the human characters, but sadly both work just as well, and by that I mean they are awful, and clunky. One of the major issues I have is that the game has a checkpoint based auto save system, which as we know goes about as well into a stealth based mechanic as both fist from a silver back gorilla go into a girls virgin butthole, NOT VERY!

So getting that out of the way, the way the stealth works is to not make any sound cause the "infected" is based on hearing, but sadly unless your moving at the speed of a snail turd the infected horde will surround you and beat you to death in no time, so stealth sections normally come down to how much annoying tediousness you can take before you completely snap and find it takes a 10th of the time just mowing down the zombies with your guns as the game WANTS that more then anything, as the rewards for clearing a section in stealth don't really exist. Along with that the only real thing you have to truly worry about is the beautiful one hit instant kill the zombies have.. ALL of them.... which gets very annoying, in a trial and error sort of way, and along with long ass load times, you are going to be wasting time no matter which way you try to do things.

Sadly the game WANTS to be a run and gun shooter so hard its not even funny, even if it does everything it can to make you believe it's stealth, but even it doesn't believe it's own mess it's shoveling. With that out of the way, the game has a number of bugs and glitches, which can be very annoying and force a restart at time so not nearly as polished as people would want to have you believe, I had one where you had to do a scripted even to outrun a car, and the game constantly lock the camera on the vehicle, and I would die cause I couldn't see the road ahead, I had to reload from an earlier auto save to get it to fix.

Lastly, the other problem the game has is it's exploration system, the game has no real way point, and any real indepth map, but the game has alot of zones space to explore to find scrap and such, HOWEVER, since you have no idea which is a dead end, or the point of no return scripted pointed, until it's to late, trying to find various secrets can be a tedious aspect of the gameplay.


Story 4/10: I didn't know which to do first story or gameplay, so I just went with what I think was best to talk about, and so lastly I focus on the story as a whole and why it's just not really all that.

So this is the item people SO MANY people are praising this game for, and for a game that is supposedly so praised for this, it's amazing at how BAD this game is at it's story and how it's told and developed. Now you are probbly saying... WHAAAAAAAAT?! You Insane, but no really, let's analyze this.

Also I shall point out were are going to hit some spoilers here, but honestly with how cliche and predictable this game is, most come as no real surprise, at least not to me.



SPOILERS AHEAD!





Let's start out with the beginning, the game starts out with Joel coming home to his daughter, just before the outbreak, they talk about a few things he gets a birthday present and she goes to bed, ok first problem, which is the problem as a whole for this game that it keeps running into constantly, where is the freaking mother?, What happened to her? Did she die, are they divorced? Be nice to know, but NOPE, we wake up as the daughter, wander around the house and see reports of the outbreak, and explosions happening in the distance. Suddenly Joel runs in with zombies on his heels, he grabs his daughter, gets in his friends truck, and off they go to get away. Along the way they are forced out of the vehicle, and have to run from the infected swarming all over the place.

Joel grabs his daughter, runs away, past HUNDREDS of people, woman, children, men, all being killed, left and right, being stopped by a soldier, who sadly under orders is forced to fire on them, after the fight, Joel's daughter has been hit, as she lies there crying, and bleeding out, she dies in Joel's arms...., Then the title plays and the intro credits like a movie plays out... SIGH.... A truly tear jerking scene isn't it?

Well... No, not really, I felt truly nothing from this scene, and why is that? Am I a cruel unfeeling person, is it because I'M NOT A PARENT, like I'm sure people will say?... Let me point this out, I CRIED OVER A FUCKING BOAT DYING.... Yea, that is right a BOAT dying made me cry waterfalls, yet this scene didn't phase me at all... now I wonder WHY THAT IS huh? Well maybe because, I barely knew this character, or maybe the fact several other children were brutally murdered as I ran past them? Honestly there are alot of reasons why, many of which is the fact a piece of cardboard had more definition as a character then the daughter of this game.

And this is one of games major problems, I understand the lose, I feel bad over it as any humane person would, but an emotionally stirring scene? It is not. So now 30 years have passed... wait? WHAT?!, 30 Years? What the hell is that? So next we are playing Joel who apparently is not a smuggler, held in a "TOWN" under some form of military, not that we would really know that, as again comes the major problem this game has with it's story, it literally explained nothing of it's world.

Now I understand that the major story element is based on character development, But it's hard to care about anything when you could take the two lead characters, and put them in ANY setting other setting and it wouldn't change anything, if you going to not bother with exploring the world you make or explaining it, might as well make it at least interesting, might as well put them in a world where nuclear vampire banana have become sentient, and are taking the world over with vanilla pudding, cause in the end it wouldn't change anything between what is happening in the story and to the characters.

..and sadly THAT is the problem with this, how can I relate to anything if the world is so worthless in the story and it's people? What are the stakes, who are these people, how is it effecting the characters and it's development and personalities? Hell you need the comics to find out anything about the infecting, which I find to be a cop out of greedy people, Which the infecting is based off some mushroom that effected ants, and now mutated to effect humans, but with no reason behind it, so I guess it happened NATURALLY? But how would I know, it's never explained, so again my point is made.

Then we have the military, and the Fireflies I think they are, but what they are is never really explained, the military are the badguys?, and the Fireflies are the viva la resistance against the MAN, but yet most of them seem more over dicks on both sides, So while doing some smuggling you come across some chick Joel knows, who is know as the Queen of the fireflies, but obviously that doesn't matter, and apparently she ask you to transport Ellie the second main character, for reasons unknown, but you find out as you are leaving the town, you get caught by the military, for whatever reason it is never really explained other then "BECAUSE", so you get away from them and they seem content to chase you across the city for again no reason cause the game never explained.

See this is the problem the game never really EXPLAINS, anything, and maybe that isn't the point, but without any understand of everything how can I understand the stakes, for a place that seem to be devastated by the infection it's BARELY present, and most enemies are based off various bandits, which are bandits because, again, no real reason.

So let's focus on the on the character development, which is what the game is going on about being a masterpiece about however the character development is a joke, really let's take Joel we know next to nothing about him, and after 30 years and his daughters death he isn't all that different, but again we have nothing to go off of to measure that, so any thing given can be considered development I guess, same with ellie, he character as Joel's evolve at all she basically knows all these things, like how to drive a stick, or use a gun, she doesn't learn or development from it, I remember that in the original comments of them that she would react to things you did, but she never does. So I don't see the point.

Sigh along with that the fates of the co character cast that joins as you go along couldn't be more predictable unless they had big neon signs on them, showing big porkchops, whenever you see an scripted scene of them being attacked, it usually happens while not in sight or obscured in a way, which always ends with ONE of them being bit, yatta yatta yatta.

Honestly let me point this out in the end, for ANYONE who believes that this game has anything that warrants admiration, PLEASE do yourself a favor and read the anime/manga series One Pieces, watch the anime subbed cause if you watch it dubbed it will ruin it, read the manga from websites, but make sure to do it from beginning to end, and then look at story and character development, that can only be defined as a true masterpiece, One Piece made me cry over a BOAT dying, an inanimate object carried more emotional weight then ANYTHING in this game, this is to do yourselves a favor PLEASE.

Final Score 4.5/10: Rent or Buy? Well Rent it cause you might find it to your liking everyone else seems to, but in my thoughts Read One Piece and get a much better story if your looking for story, or play something else as the sub par gameplay is nothing special to speak of, other then that pass this over praised generic game.


"Castlevania is a Registered Trademark of Konami, all rights are reserved to them for using their characters likeness."

Reply zignoff, January 18th, 2014, 9:30 am

That's Fine, That's your opinion. @qazox: and as long as you had fun, then that's what really matters. But I think the game is alittle OVER praised in my thoughts.

And it is more tolerable then say Uncharted was in my thoughts. Though I think that's one of the problems, it's TOLERABLE enough to play, but 50 PERFECT scores? I just don't really accept that.

But like I said, my thoughts on the game, doesn't mean you shouldn't try it, as you said you liked various elements for the most part. But at least you can understand where I am coming from for the most part.

But I do believe if a lot of the people praising this games story wouldn't be saying that if they had read something as well constructed in it's world, it's story and character development as One Piece.

As for the few misinformation like the 20 instead of 30 years, yea I got it wrong, but again what is the overall difference?

I think that's more of my MAIN point, it really doesn't matter much cause the game barely does anything with it's world.

Also again my mistake the the proper one hit kill zombies, but again, just mowing them down is easier then worrying about any of it :P

User's Comments:

Reply qazox, January 17th, 2014, 11:10 pm

@zignoff: I agree with you on the music, it was nothing special.

Graphics: ditto, you can only do so much, right? But the settings were sufficiently creepy.

Gameplay: It could have been more intuitive, but I liked it once I got used to the layout it wasn't bad. The H2H combat I would've liked to use more on the infected. The 1-hit kill was only the bloaters and clickers. I hated the fucking clickers, they made them too effective at hearing things, unless it was Ellie making the noise sometimes. It was a bit too linear as well.

Story: I liked the story. The middle chapters could've been fleshed out a bit more (the Wyoming part [Autumn]). And the ending... ugh... kinda wish they didn't go the obvious route there. The tone of the story was good overall though. And it was 20 years later, not 30.

Overall it was a good game that if fully fleshed out (took me about 13/14 hours of gameplay to beat, on hard) could have been great. But I have played worse.

Reply qazox, January 18th, 2014, 10:25 pm

@zignoff: if it was an true open world game maybe it would be better.

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