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Episode 124: That's so ME!

June 14th, 2013, 11:00 am

Average Rating: 5.00
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Author's Comments:

Reply zignoff, April 27th, 2013, 3:17 pm

This week on Reviews! Bioshock Infinite! Ok, so here we are this week reviewing the supposedly super awesome and unique story world and ending BIOSHOCK INFINITE!

Is it as an AMAZING game with a unique and original ending, and completely wipe away the TERRIBLE TERRIBLE shame that is Bioshock 2?!

..Not even remotely, and as for those who think Bioshock 2 was bad, and think Bioshock Infinite is Brilliant?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Pg_urIQ7zU

That's what you deserve, I can never understand the hate I hear for this game, and people who believe BS: Infinite is all new and superior, well it's not even close.

Allow me to explain why in my thoughts and opinion, Bioshock Infinite is another shallow shooter and is a HUGE step back in many ways compared to Bioshock 2!

Update: Look this review is now going to be alittle more pissy also as after the E3 reveal of Kingdom Hearts 3 for the freaking crappy PS4, you we got 3 of those god awful Final Fantasy 13 piles in ONE generation of this system, but they completely skipped PS3 which that game has been asked about since the PS3 first came out... it's a real kick in the dick to the fans who supported the series through all the spin off and handle held, phone IOS crap we've had to play... it's messed up.


Story 2/10: Alright now I'm not going to put the ending in a seperate post to avoid spoilers of the main review. SO here is the overall story, now pay close attention.

You are a guy, named Booker DeWitt, who is going to get a girl named Elizabeth (or basically BELLE from disney), from a Unique world in the sky named Columbia, so that you can save yourself, you and this girl also have a "Special" connection. Now you have to "save" her from her "PARENT" Comstock who is a egotistical racist and religious nutter and seen by the people to be the prophet and the guiding father and icon of the people, he basically wants to turn his daughter into the god like being and have her rise up, and rain down death on the world and bring about a NEW WORLD ORDER!

Does this sound familiar? Well it should, because this is almost word for Word Bioshock 2's story.

You are a guy (Big Daddy), who is going to save a Girl, in order to save her and yourself, from her religious nutter mom, who is seen as an Icon to the people, and she wants to turn her daughter into a god in which to rise up from the ocean and bring down the man and create a new world order... also you have a special connection with this girl also.

The ONLY thing that REALLY seperates them is the one major plot fixer in Bioshock Infinite ... TIME PARADOX'S!, yes the ultimate I can make up anything cause if it doesn't make sense then I can put time paradox's in and fix it completely. Now I have nothing against these when there used WELL however, with how little they bother to make original out of the story and just basically ripped form Bioshock 2, you can imagine how well this turned.

Now most people tell me it's how the story is told to you is what makes it far different and way better then Bioshock 2, and that's true on ONE aspect, it's different.. as in it's NOT really told to you, really about 85% of the games backstory and world and events are all told through the recordings so if you don't make sure to pick those up you will have no idea was is going on. Comstock literally only communicates with you 2 times, once at the beginning, and once at the end, THAT is it, as for the other characters, again it's the same with ANY character so in the game you met them once, then you meet them much later for a final time, only Elizabeth and Booker are the constant, and while their interaction is GOOD, it's not enough to recover from the other list of issues in the story.

The last item is the ending which is filled with massive levels of failure in my thoughts, mainly for the ONE SIMPLE fact, IT DOES NOT WORK. I will explain in a spoiler extra post why. Overall though, it's nothing special, and does nothing really original.


Sound/Music/Voices 8/10: I figure I'd lump these together as in general the voice acting was good, nothing mind blowing, the sounds were nice, explosions sounded like explosions, the steam powered items sounded steam powered, the wind rushing past your head sounded right, and the music.. Um.. well I'm sure it was there. Overall it sounded nice and clean and accurate.


Graphics 8/10: The Graphics are very Crisp and Clean, the world of Columbia is very colorful for the most part, when it isn't being a twisted racist Disney Land. I mean I don't really know what else to say on this, it's a graphically pretty game, but I mean that's about it, I can't really say anything that really stood out to me on this. Except one notable thing the sun while accurate is going to get in your way of your vision and since you are human and the computer is A.I. is really more of a badly designed handicap.


Gameplay 3/10: Ok, now another major factor here, the GAMEPLAY, is the game as AWESOME AS IT'S BELIEVE TO BE?!... well no, not in the slight. Rag Dolls physics are there, but what game doesn't most the time now. The major problem here is this game is in every way a downgrade from Bioshock 2.

The game now limits you to only having 2 weapons at a time, as you could have like 8 weapons before, you can freely swap out as you wish, but you are limited to what is in the zone so some battle that might require a grenade launcher or rocket, you will basically have to tote it around at all times, but then comes thee other problem, limited ammo with the area's restricting weapons also restricts the ammo you have to work with. So sadly your tactics for each fight require very much on the fly style gameplay which is fine for some, but I found it boring.

Most of Bioshocks appeal was the RPG elements within the game, so removing many of them is a serious no no for me, Also the Bullets and Weapon upgrades have been downgraded massively. Weapon upgrades are merely just increase damage, Ammo clip and Accuracy, and no unique bullets, so no more gatling richoting flaming bullets, just a very standard and generic amount of weapons with very dull gameplay. Which everything cost money also no more adam and eve, only gold to level up everything plasmids included

So what about the plasmids? Those are always a stable, sadly these also have had some downgrades, now known as vigors which have actually no element or part in the story or plot or even world, they are just THERE as you have 8, but most of them are pretty much pointless, or just don't really do anything worth mentioning many are either weaker then hell, or very based on your current predicament(was going to phrase that better, but I can't remember how to spell one praticular word:/). So their really quite boring, and not nearly as much fun.

Next is the stages themselves, well many complain that Bioshock 2, was FAR to linear, yet scream at how deep it is, except for the fact this game stages are about 200% MORE linear then Bioshock 2's, how anyone can ignore this I don't know this game is literally an on rails shooter, there are MAYBE 2-3 kind of HUB areas where you can look around, but most are a 3rd of the size of anything on Bioshock 2, and most are restricted til certain points in the story which require the time paradox mechanic to move through. The game literally has giant freaking arrow signs pointing and forcing you to move where IT wants, it's mostly a very LOOK but don't touch kind of game.

The next item is the equipment and such, where as you had tons of ways to upgrade and customize your character, this game yet again downgrades it HARD, as you can now only have 4 items of gear, hat, shirt, pants, and shoes, many of this gear are like the plasmids, really only useful unless you gear yourself for a VERY limited play style, and most or blatantly useless sadly. No customizing a silent ice assassin with a giga drill breaker dash. No basically it's more of... CHANCE to absorb health when you smack somebody from behind, which is very far and few in between.

Lastly is the various new gimmicks in the game, the skyline, in which you latch on to zooming about at high speed to get around jumping off and drop kicking people as you come down blazing guns all around. However, the problem with this, is you accuracy suffers, the sky lines are very limited and restricted to small zones so you'll hardly ever use them, and honestly you become a sitting duck half the time, and enemies can use them, or even sabatoge them from you. So it's a nice little "gimmick" but that's all it is a little gimmick.

Next is Elizabeth AI and her "Tears" Elizabeth has the power on "COMMAND" to warp small sections to allow turrets and such in to the game, which i should also mention there are no more hacking mini games or such, just now a figure the mind controls vigor and auto hacks for you, but hacking doesn't give you anything anymore and is only temporary, so pointless now really. Lastly is Elizabeth's GROUND BREAKING A.I., she literally just runs around grabbing ammo for you, how is this revolutionary, this design was around in like old Nintendo games on the NES, how is this anything revolutionary at all?! Is she did things such as opening tears at the proper placing to create a useful approach only she could see or come up with, THEN that MIGHT be something, but as is it's nothing that hasn't been seen before. Just well polished doesn't make it new or original or unique, this is the same crap uncharted 2 had, it's well polished mostly, but it's nothing original.

Infact Uncharted Two is basically a perfect example of this game, it's AVERAGE at best, but to me with all the downgrades this game had, and STILL NO NEW GAME PLUS CARRY OVER.. while it's ok, it's just average in all aspects. That's it, it does nothing new, and nothing original, the ending is which I changed my mind for the moment, you want me to spoil it, then I will, but I won't make a second post for now just to be safe, if you want me to explain why to me it is nothing more then a bunch of smug egotistical morons who have their heads up their own ass to smell their own farts and won't remove them long enough to realize the idea WON'T WORK!, then I will but only on request.

Overall Score for a newbie to the series 5/10 It's AVERAGE at best, but to a person who has played the others and looking for gameplay and originality... 2/10, it really doesn't do anything special, and downgrades in so many way's it's just boring. Don't Buy, at most just Rent, you can beat the game in a single sitting I did in less then 5 hours...

"Legend of Zelda is a Registered Trademark of Nintendo, all rights are reserved to them for using their characters likeness."

Reply zignoff, June 15th, 2013, 8:14 am

LOL @qazox: Don't worry that joke happened off screen...

User's Comments:

Reply qazox, June 15th, 2013, 2:49 am

Please don't draw the Minotaur death.

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